Image Is Everything
by kappamaki
Summary: Follow the fluffy OOC misadventures of your fave Naruto characters, as Itachi strives to find an purpose for himself in the world. Things build to a climax in the last chapter: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned.
1. Uchiha Itachi

Image is everything.  
  
This is something Uchiha Itachi knows very well.  
  
If you want people to think that you're a badass villain, you have to look like a badass villain. And through everything, Itachi's sole driving ambition was to become a badass villain.  
  
So, when Itachi became a jenin, he pressured the owner of the local tattoo shop into putting a really badass tattoo on his left arm. It took a little convincing, since he wasn't eighteen yet, but in the end all he had to do was use his patented Glare of Evil no Jutsu.  
  
He worked hard on that glare... it had taken him a year of practicing in front of the mirror every day to perfect it.  
  
And you know, badass villains had to have badass accesories. That's why he looked through the necklaces at Abercrombie and Fitch for hours before he found the perfect one. He never went without it now. And the cape... it just made him look so... well... badass! Coincidentally, he got it at J. Crew. He had no idea they even sold capes.  
  
And his sharingan? They weren't really red, those were just contacts. His real sharingan was blue. He woke up every morning an hour before any other Akatsuki member just so he could put them in without any one noticing. Joining the Akatsuki had been a great move... there was no shinobi organization around that was as evil... it was great for his image.  
  
Then there was the whole killing his clan thing. That didn't hurt his image. He had even left his brother alive so that he would have a rival later on. All badass villains had really hardcore rivals.  
  
Wait a minute.  
  
Didn't the badass villain always get his ass kicked at the end?  
  
Shit.  
  
He'd have to rethink this whole image thing. Maybe he would try the reluctant hero thing out... 


	2. Poor Confused Shark

Poor Confused Shark  
  
Kisame looked in the mirror. Or at least, he tried to look in the mirror, but his mother had placed it so that it only came up to his shoulders. He couldn't blame her, though, he was almost seven feet tall and she barely came up to his waist, so she couldn't reach up high enough to place the mirror properly.  
  
Kisame leaned down. Hmm... he was looking great as always. His skin tinged a healthy hue of blue, eyes slanted in a particularly evil way, gills nice and perky. He looked exactly like what a psychotic ninja who used water- based attacks should look like. Kisame grinned at his reflection, showing rows of sharp, pointy teeth. He was just so cool!  
  
"Kisame, dinner time!"  
  
Kisame took two steps towards his smiling, loving mother, and suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
  
"Kisame, is something wrong?"  
  
"Umm... no." Kisame tried to smile as he sat down to enjoy his dinner. He looked at his mother, then looked at the mirror on the wall behind her, then at his mother again, then-  
  
"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"  
  
"Eh?!" Noodles spilled out of Kisame's mouth as he was startled from his reverie. Since some of them were still hanging from his teeth, he sucked them back up into his mouth. "I'm fine."  
  
"... okay." Kisame's mother got up and took the dishes to the kitchen, leaving Kisame to his contemplation.  
  
After nineteen years, Kisame had just realized that he looked nothing like his mother.  
  
The boy always was a little slow.  
  
Her skin was a perfect shade of normal peach. Her eyes were normally slanted. She had no gills. Her teeth were square. And most startling of all, she was 100%, completely, totally, not evil. In fact, she had won Mist Village's Most Likely to Sacrifice Her Life to Save a Drowning Kitten superlative for the third year in a row.  
  
Well, actually, Kisame had never known who his father was. He had never really cared, and his mother had never told him. Maybe he had inherited all his good looks and his personality from his father.  
  
Kisame walked through Mist Village. His father could be any of these people. The owner of the ramen stand? One of the teachers at the academy? The trashman? There was no one in the village that was as particularly shark-ish as he was. Kisame stopped... what if he was adopted? Or, worse yet, what if he was the product of some gross experimentation or sealing? He could be half shark, for all he knew. What was the point of having such a cool image when he didn't even know where he came from? Kisame felt anguish as he had never known, anguish on par with the tragic heroine in a shojo manga.  
  
"Wow! You caught a big one!"  
  
Kisame looked over to where some fishermen were pulling in a catch. It was... a shark!  
  
"That'll make a good meal tonight."  
  
"NOOOOOOO! Father!!!!!" Kisame dived for the shark, grabbing it from the confused fisherman's hand.  
  
"Kisame? What are you doing?" Kisame's mother, who had been walking by, looked down at her son. He was sitting in the water, somehow covered in seaweed, and cuddling a large shark. He looked like he was about to cry.  
  
"Umm... nothing?"  
  
His mother frowned. "Let go of that shark and let's go home."  
  
"Yes, Mommy." Kisame gently let go of his potential father and followed his mother back. "Mommy... where did I come from?"  
  
An uncomfortable look passed over his mother's face. "Aren't you old enough to know by now? Well, when a man and a woman fall in love..."  
  
Kisame sweatdropped. "That's not what I meant! I meant... eh... who's my father?"  
  
"Oh. Well, he was a great shinobi who decided that his true life's ambition was to become a corporate lawyer."  
  
"Wow." Kisame was amazed. You couldn't get more evil than a corporate lawyer. "But then why do I look like a shark?"  
  
"You're so silly, Kisame. That's just how your bloodline manifests itself physically."  
  
Somehow, through all his mother's big words, Kisame understood. He was a little relieved that he wasn't part shark. Just as Kisame and his mother reached their house, Itachi jumped down in front of them. Kisame looked down at the shorter boy. Itachi had to bend his neck backwards to be able to look his comrade in the eye.  
  
"Kisame. Mission."  
  
"Itachi, it's been so long!" Kisame's mother gushed at her son's partner in crime.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Kisame's Mom."  
  
"Why don't you come in for milk and cookies?"  
  
"Yay!," Kisame thought, "milk and cookies!"  
  
Itachi thought it over. Cookies were not badass... still... "What kind?"  
  
"Chocolate chip."  
  
"Okay."  
  
The two boys went into the house where they gorged on cookies and milk... Kisame called the last one, but Itachi ate it anyway and threatened Kisame with bodily harm if he told his mother. Soon enough they were leaving the house, Kisame's mother calling after them to be safe and to try not to kill too many people. 


	3. The Boy as Pure as Snow

The Boy as Pure as Snow  
  
Haku sat on his bed, carefully applying another layer of purple nail polish to his toenails.  
  
"Dammit!" He frowned at the stain he accidentally got onto his pink bed sheets, and carefully dabbed it off with nail polish remover. After that, he walked over to his closet to pick out a beautiful kimono to wear. But the one he wanted to wear had a crease in it.. that would never do.  
  
Haku carefully ironed out his kimono so that it was free of wrinkles. After all, he had an image to maintain. Wrinkles were simply out of the question. After he dressed he finished the outfit with a strand of pearls that he had borrowed from Sakon and stepped out onto the street, swaying his hips a little as he walked.  
  
"Hey," some one whispered as he walked by, "didn't that guy die in like chapter 30 or something?"  
  
"Yeah, it was really tragic... I cried my eyes out..."  
  
Haku ignored the confusing comments and continued down the street. There were two people coming up the street towards him.... a short boy with red eyes and a shark-like fellow. There was no doubt about it- it was Uchiha Itachi and the mist ninja Kisame.  
  
"Woo hoo!" Kisame whistled as they approached Haku. "What a hottie!"  
  
"Little girl," Itachi said, "do you know how to get to-"  
  
Itachi never got to finish the sentence, because Haku was suddenly very, very mad. Before Itachi or Kisame could do anything Haku was glowering over them. The next thing they knew they were unconscious.  
  
"Why do people always think I'm a girl?!" Haku screamed, frustrated at the current turn of events. He kicked the unconscious Kisame one more time in the stomach, checked to make sure his manicure was okay, and walked off. Stupid bastards... can't they tell a boy when they see one?  
  
"Wow...," said one of the nameless villagers who had commented earlier and was obviously aware of the Naruto manga even though he was currently living in it, "that was terribly out of character for Haku, wasn't it?"  
  
The other villager just shrugged. 


	4. The Caged Bird

Image is Everything  
Part Four: The Caged Bird  
  
  
Neji stood on the bridge, cold, beautiful, and purposeful. You could tell just by glancing at those colorless eyes the determination within the boy. His spirit burned with a fire that all the tragedy in his life could not put out.  
  
"For I," he said, his hair flowing out behind him, "am but a caged bird in the Hyuga clan."  
  
As if on cue, a bird flew across the sky, and Neji turned his head to watch its elegant arc through the sky, his eyes filled with unshed tears.   
  
"If only I could fly free one day..."  
  
"Yeah... that's nice and all... but we just wanted to know how to get to the ramen stand." Kisame looked over at his traveling companion. "Hey, aren't you from here? Why don't you know where the ramen stand is?"  
  
Itachi shrugged. "They moved everything around since I've been here. Urban renewal and all that."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
Neji stared at the two strangers that had appeared before him. He didn't know who the tall guy was, but the short one looked familiar... "Sasuke?"  
  
"No."  
  
Neji stood there with a question mark above his head.  
  
"Uchiha Itachi, reluctant hero, at your service."  
  
"You can't be a reluctant hero if you're advertising it... then you aren't being very reluctant, are you?"  
  
Itachi clenched his teeth. The Hyuga kid was right.  
  
Suddenly, there was a commotion from some nearby bushes and a small girl with her hair in two buns stumbled out of them. She rolled around a little on the ground before flopping over, a cage in her hands. There were two birds in the cage... they looked suspiciously like the bird that had flew overhead earlier.  
  
"Ten Ten!" Neji scowled at the young girl as she scrambled to her feet. "You're supposed to stay hidden!"  
  
"Sorry, Neji." Ten Ten chuckled embarrassingly, rubbing her head in nervous gesture. "I tripped when I tried to get a closer look."  
  
Ten Ten turned to look at Itachi. He was even cuter than Sasuke.  
  
"Ne..." Kisame was getting excited. He had actually figured something out. "Don't tell me your girlfriend lets go of a bird every time you give that speech."  
  
"I'm not his girlfriend," said Ten Ten, still staring at Itachi.  
  
Neji, for his part, had turned to face the horizon, arms crossed. The sun was setting behind him, lighting up his profile, his expression completely serious. He looked every inch the determined hero that he was. "If it is one thing that I value, besides my purpose in this world, it is... my image."  
  
Itachi nodded sagely. This was something he could understand. "Then you will help me become a hero."  
  
Neji glared at the older boy. "Just because we understand each other doesn't mean I'm going to help you. I have my own goals to ob-"  
  
Neji would have said more, but at that moment he found Kisame's sword at his throat.  
  
"Come on," Kisami said, grinning, "it'll be fun."  
  
"Fine." Neji managed a reply from between his clenched teeth, but he wasn't happy about this at all. "So what am I supposed to do?"  
  
Itachi thought of all the time he had spent playing Final Fantasy and other similar video games. "Heroes always seem to come in one of two types. There's the reluctant hero, who doesn't really care enough about anything to get involved but always ends up saving the world anyway, and the purposeful hero, who has an honorable goal and will stop at nothing to achieve it."  
  
Neji nodded. It was obvious he was the second kind of hero in this story.  
  
"I don't really have some righteous goal, so I figured I'd be a reluctant hero, but it's hard to try to be a reluctant hero."  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"So maybe you can pretend to be a villain and hurt somebody, so I can come in and save the day."  
  
Neji grimaced. "Wait a minute, I'm not the villain. Why don't you have your friend do that for you?"  
  
"Well," answered Kisame, "now that Itachi's a hero I kind of have to be his sidekick."  
  
Itachi nodded.  
  
"I'm not going to play a villain, so why don't we think of something else."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Itachi, Kisame, and Neji sat down on the ground to think things out. While they were busy Ten Ten took the time to sneak away. Damn that Neji, always making her do things for him like taking care of his birds. Sometimes he even made her carry around a fan and use it so it seemed like his hair was blowing in the breeze. When he was feeling particularly melodramatic he would have her scatter sakura petals around him. Damn it, if only she hadn't lost in that poker game so many months ago...  
  
"I think I have a plan," Neji finally said. "Since none of us wants to be the villain, we'll just make some one else do it."  
  
Itachi raised an eyebrow. "Go on..."  
  
  
  



	5. Gaara of the Desert

Image is Everything  
Part Five: Gaara of the Desert  
  
Gaara of the Desert is not concerned with a petty thing like image. He exists solely to kill every one around him... how other people perceive him is simply not an issue.   
  
So, even if you find that bottle of hair dye and broken eye pencil in his trash can, don't ever accuse him of dying his hair red and wearing eyeliner. Unless you want to end up in the hospital like Temari did.  
  
"Here you go, little boy." The store clerk smiled as he handed the bag to the boy. "One bottle of red hair dye and three liquid eyeliners."  
  
Gaara glared at the man before making his way out of the store. "It's not for me."  
  
"Eh... I never said it was..."  
  
On a hill outside the store, Neji, Itachi, Kisame, and Kiba, who had been walking by and wanted to see what was going on, watched as Gaara walked out of the store.  
  
"There he is," said Neji.  
  
"What's he doing in our village?" Kiba comforted Akamaru, who had started shuddering when he caught sight of the sand boy.  
  
"He sneaks here every month to buy something from our convenience store. Okay, plan Itachi Becomes a Hero starts now."  
  
Kisame nodded, putting more dirt on himself. He needed to look beat up. Then, he quickly ran towards the sand boy. Just as Neji explained, when he got close enough a wall of sand came out to block the younger boy, and Kisame deftly propelled himself off the sand and into the wall behind him.  
  
"Why?" He yelled out for the benefit of the citizens walking around. "I was just running by when you attacked me! Why would you do such a thing?"  
  
"Huh?" Gaara eloquently asked.  
  
Kisame dramatically stumbled forward, clasping his chest and falling over. "I... I don't think... I'll make it."  
  
Gaara watched, very confused, as the other boy collapsed.   
  
"Hmph." Itachi appeared from a cloud of smoke. "I don't usually like to get involved, but when you attack my friend... then you must pay."  
  
Itachi waited for the townspeople to exclaim things like 'Wow! Who's that heroic boy?' or 'What a hero to save his friend like that.' Instead...  
  
"Isn't that Uchiha Itachi? The boy who killed his family?"  
  
"The nerve of that boy to show his face in this town again."  
  
Itachi frowned slightly, disheartened as the townspeople dispersed.  
  
"What's going on?" questioned Gaara, clutching his hair dye as if he were protecting something truly precious to him.  
  
"Never mind," said Kisame, getting up, obviously unharmed. "It didn't work."  
  
Gaara was still confused, but he decided it would be best to just walk away.  
  
Neji and Kiba ran down to where Itachi and Kisame were.  
  
"Good job!" Itachi yelled at Neji. "Your idea didn't work at all!"  
  
"Maybe if you hadn't slaughtered your family years ago it would have!"  
  
"Never mind that, help me think of another plan."  
  
Kiba scratched his head, wondering if he should help or run away. "You know, if you want to change your image and become a hero, there's another type of hero you can try to be."  
  
"Keep talking..."  
  
Kiba gulped, hoping Itachi wouldn't hate the idea and kill him. "You can be a romantic hero."  
  
  
  
  



	6. Foolish Little Brother

Image is Everything  
Part Six: Foolish Little Brother  
  
Sasuke stood on the bridge, cold, beautiful, and purposeful. You could tell just by glancing at those dark, emotionless eyes the determination within the boy. His spirit burned with a fire that all the tragedy in his life could not put out.  
  
"For I," he said, his hair flowing out around him, "am the sole survivor in the massacre staged against my family."  
  
As if on cue, sakura petals fell down to frame the young, determined boy. Sasuke turned towards the river and looked off into the distance, his eyes filled with unshed tears.   
  
"One day I will have vengeance..."  
  
Naruto and Sakura looked around, wondering who Sasuke was introducing himself to, while villagers who were walking by wondered why this scene seemed so familiar.  
  
"Umm... that's cool and all, but we should really get to that ramen stand. Kakashi's waiting."  
  
"Most likely," Sakura corrected, "he's not. He's probably late as always."  
  
The three started walking towards town. They came to an intersection when Sakura stopped. The two boys didn't notice, walking on without her.  
  
"Hmm," she said, looking down in front of her, "a puddle."  
  
"Do not worry," came a voice, as a cloud of smoke appeared in front of her. When it cleared there was a boy there who looked a lot like Sasuke.  
  
"Wow. You're even cuter then Sasuke."  
  
Sasuke spun around at the comment. Cuter than him? It was impossible... he was the cutest boy in the village. Every girl loved him. That's when he saw Him... the man he was going to kill.  
  
Itachi smiled at Sakura, taking off his cloak with a flourish to cover the puddle at her feet. She was too young to be a love interest, but romantic heroes were always kind to all females.   
  
"Oh." Sakura giggled, stepping over the cloak. "Why thank you."  
  
"You!" Sasuke ran towards his older brother, taking out his kunai. "I'll kill you!"  
  
Itachi sighed and held out his arm, pressing his palm to Sasuke's forehead and holding the boy at arm's length. "Foolish little brother, I have no interest in fighting you. Love is the only thing that drives me now."  
  
Sakura swooned at the romantic comment, hearts coming out of her eyes, as Itachi disappeared. Sasuke, who had been running the whole time Itachi had been holding him away, promptly ran into a brick wall. When he got up he clenched his fists, staring at the place where Itachi had just been. If Itachi wasn't going to fight him, he'd just have to beat him at his own game.  
  
Meanwhile, Kisame was scouting the village for eligible love interests when Itachi poofed in front of him.  
  
"Find any one?" Itachi asked.  
  
Kisame shook his head. "All the girls are either too young or too old. There don't seem to be any female characters our age aside from nameless villagers."  
  
"Huh? Characters?"  
  
"Never mind." Kisame looked at the list he had been keeping. "I guess the closest person is... Kurenai."  
  
Itachi nodded. Kurenai was a jenin and a teacher. Definite romantic possibilities there.  



	7. The Secret Behind Kakashi's Mask

Image is Everything  
Part Seven: The Secret Behind Kakashi's Mask  
  
Kakashi got ready just like he did every morning. He brushed his teeth, took a shower, gelled and blow dried his hair, and, most importantly, put on his mask. It was very important that he remember to put it on. It wasn't there just for his image; no, Kakashi had made a solemn promise in the past to always wear that mask. He remembered that day with his father...  
  
"Kakashi," Kakashi's father said dramatically, looking down at his son with all the pride and love of a father, "promise me you'll always wear that mask."  
  
"Okay."  
  
... Yes, that was a very eventful day. In truth though, there was a very good reason Kakashi wore the mask, and it had to do with his secret bloodline. His family was endowed with a very special ability... they were extraordinarily beautiful. If some one even took a glance at Kakashi's face, they would fall head over heels in love with him. Yes, Kakashi had promised never to use this remarkable ability. It was just too powerful an ability to be taken advantage of except in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very exceptional cases, and even then there would be side effects. Kakashi shuddered, remembering the one time he had been forced to use the technique, and how Jiraiya, who was with him on the mission, had stalked him for a month afterwards. The old man had showed up everywhere... on his missions, in his shower... he had even woken up one morning to find him in his bed. It was a scary time. Finally the Third had performed a jutsu to hypnotize Jiraiya into thinking he wasn't in love with Kakashi. Still, even now sometimes Kakashi would get a chill around the old man.  
  
So Kakashi put on his mask and left for the ramen stand, where he was supposed to meet his beloved students. Coincidentally, Kurenai and Asuma were also there. Asuma was looking particularly psychotic that day, so Kakashi walked by him to sit next to Kurenai.  
  
"Cigarettes..." Asuma mumbled, his eyes darting back and forth, "...out of cigarettes..."  
  
"Yo," Kakashi said as he sat down next to Kurenai. He looked around in search of his team, but didn't see them anywhere... wow.... he was actually early for once.  
  
"If you're looking for your team they're not here. They got fed up of waiting for you and left."  
  
"Oh. I see."  
  
Kurenai blew on her ramen and swallowed a spoonful, noting that it could use a little salt. She looked up at the condiment shelf, wondering why the owner kept it so high up. She stood up to reach for the salt, but it was no good, she couldn't reach.  
  
"Please, allow me."  
  
Kurenai turned to her left and gasped. "Uchiha Itachi!"  
  
Itachi smiled and bowed, taking Kurenai's hands in his.  
  
"At your service," he said, kissing her hand and not noticing that she looked terrified of him. After all, he had almost killed her the last time they had met. Instead, he stood up and reached for the salt... and couldn't grab it. He looked at Kurenai and noticed that he was even shorter than she was.  
  
Kakashi grabbed the salt and tossed it to Kurenai. "Here you go."  
  
"Umm.. thanks."  
  
Then they sat down to eat, as if a fugitive and murderer wasn't standing next to them, lost in his thoughts.  
  
After a few moments, Itachi turned and left. He always knew that he was short, but... not that short. A romantic hero couldn't be shorter then his love interest. What was he to do?  



	8. The Goofy Sidekick

Image is Everything  
Part Eight: The Goofy Sidekick  
  
Naruto looked at the unlikely scene before him. It was Sasuke, picking flowers. What the hell was he doing?  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
Sasuke scowled at his teammate. "I heard that Itachi was after Kurenai-sensei. So I'm making her a bouquet."  
  
Inside, Sasuke grinned. He would beat Itachi... he would steal away Kurenai before he got a chance with her.  
  
"Oh, I see." Even though he didn't see at all.  
  
"What are you doing here, Naruto?" Sakura asked, annoyed that the other boy was there. She was helping Sasuke pick flowers. She didn't mind that Sasuke was after Kurenai now... she had found a new love interest. Oh, Itachi...  
  
"I was just walking by." After a moment a huge smile broke out on Naruto's face. "That's great! With you out of the way, there's one less hero to compete with me."  
  
"Don't make me laugh," said Sasuke, despite the fact that he was, in fact, laughing a little. "You're not a hero. Face it, Naruto, you're not the type to be the main character in a story."  
  
"Yeah," Sakura agreed, "you're more like the goofy sidekick. You know, the comic relief."  
  
"I'll show you guys!" Naruto said. "I'll be a better hero than any of you could ever be!"  
  
Naruto walked off, leaving the other two to pick more flowers. Stupid Sasuke and Sakura. Coincidentally, as he was walking, he walked past a dejected Itachi. Itachi looked at the little boy.  
  
"You," he said.  
  
Naruto turned. Oh, it was Sasuke's evil brother. "Yeah?"  
  
"You're short."  
  
Naruto scowled. "So are you!"  
  
"I know. We both... share the same pain."  
  
Naruto and Itachi felt a deep connection at that moment.  
  
"No one takes me seriously as a ninja," Naruto confessed to his new confident and best friend, eyes watery. "They all say I can never be a hero."  
  
"How can I be a romantic hero when I'm so short?"  
  
"Oh... is that what you want to be? I can help you with that."  
  
"You can?" Itachi looked dubiously at the little kid in front of him. He didn't seem like the type to know a lot about romance.  
  
"Sure! Girls love me."  
  
Somehow, Itachi really doubted that. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah... watch." Naruto looked around for a girl. By some stroke of luck, the only girl around was also the only girl that actually liked Naruto. "Hey, Hinata!"  
  
Hinata turned at Naruto's voice and blushed. "Yes, Naruto?"  
  
"Do you want to go get some ramen with me tonight?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
"Great!" Naruto grinned and ran back to Itachi. "See? I told you so."  
  
Itachi still had his doubts, but the kid had managed to get a date. He had never been able to get a date with a girl... of course, up until a few days ago he was an evil villain who wasn't interested in getting a date with a girl anyway.  
  
"All right," he said, "I'll let you teach me."  
  
"Yeah! Let's do this!"  
  
Itachi and Naruto spent all of the rest of the day 'training'. They trained so much that Naruto forgot all about the date he had made earlier. Hinata, poor girl, was waiting in front of the ramen stand for hours in her prettiest dress waiting for him.  
  



	9. Fuzzy Brows

Image is Everything  
Part Nine: Fuzzy Eyebrows  
  
Rock Lee was staring at his reflection in the lake. He just didn't get it. Every one always made fun of his eyebrows, but he didn't see anything wrong with them. They looked great... just like Gai-sensei's. If anything, every one else's eyebrows were too thin. Still... he was sick of everyone teasing him... even Sakura had commented on his eyebrows when they had first met. Maybe he should just pluck them. After all, if he didn't like it, they'd always grow back.  
  
"Yes!" Lee exclaimed. "For the better of my image, I will pluck my eyebrows!"  
  
"I can help with that."  
  
Lee turned to look to see who had uttered the statement. "Shino?"  
  
Shino nodded. "I've watched my mother do it all the time."  
  
How lucky! Lee grinned, his smile pinging in the sunlight. The two boys walked back to Shino's house.   
  
"So..." said Lee, trying to engage the other boy in conversation, "we really don't know that much about each other..."  
  
He waited for Shino to comment, but he said nothing.  
  
"Hmmm, maybe I should tell you about myself. You already know I'm on Gai-sensei's team and all that. I know! I'll tell you about my interests. I like training, Sakura, Bruce Lee movies, and toothpaste."  
  
Still nothing.  
  
"So. What do you like?"  
  
"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... bugs."  
  
"Oh... yeah..." Well, he could have guessed that on his own. "Anything else?"  
  
"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... chocolate tanukis."  
  
"Umm, okay." Well, that was unexpected. Lee raised one of his abundant eyebrows as he saw Naruto and some one who looked a lot like Sasuke only cuter walk into the local Abercrombie and Fitch. Wait... there was an Abercrombie and Fitch in Leaf Village? Go figure.  
  
"We're here."  
  
Lee followed Shino into his house and sat down in a chair that Shino pointed to.  
  
"This might hurt a little," said Shino, taking out some hot wax and a strip of paper. He walked towards Lee, somewhat menacingly, or at least Lee thought so.  
  
In the next moment, there was a scream that could be heard all through out Kohona.  
  
  



	10. Where The Hell is Team 10?

[A/N]: I just wanted to say thank you to every one who has reviewed my story : ) You guys are really great, and I'm glad that I could amuse some people out there. Especially Ana-chan, who's managed to review each of my chapters... I was really touched that you followed it so closely. I really liked your suggestions too, and would have written them into the plot if I hadn't already had the story plotted out in my mind.

At any rate, the next chapter (Chapter 11: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned) is the last, so I figured I'd say my thanks now.

Image is Everything  
Part Ten: Where The Hell is Team 10?   
(mini-chapter)  
  
  
Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were out in the forest training when they heard a loud, terrifying scream.  
  
"What was that?" Ino asked.  
  
Shikamaru shrugged, while Chouji took the opportunity to go grab some potato chips from his backpack.  
  
  



	11. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

Image is Everything  
Part Eleven: Hell Hath No Furry Like a Woman Scorned  
  
  
Hinata calmly took out her kunai and laid them out on her bed.  
  
Every one thought she was such a sweet, shy girl. And she was. That wasn't just an image, she was genuinely kind.  
  
Next were her ninja stars. She'd probably need to use those as well.  
  
She always tried to be nice to her friends, even to her enemies.  
  
Still, she thought, picking up all her sharpest weapons, there was truth to the old saying- hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And Naruto was not going to get away with standing her up.  
  
Hinata jumped out the window of her bedroom, landing on the ground gracefully, even though it would have been easier just to use the front door.  
  
"Naruto," she said, her heart broken in two, "vengeance will be mine."  
  
And with that statement she stalked down the street. Kurenai, who happened to be walking by, saw the murderous intent in her student's eyes.  
  
"Hinata?" she asked, very worried and a little bit scared. She had never seen Hinata act like this. She decided to follow the girl in case something happened. She followed her right to Naruto and Itachi.  
  
"How lucky I am," said Itachi, bowing regally to Kurenai, "that my lovely Kurenai has decided to join me on this beautiful day."  
  
Naruto, on the other hand, was backing away from a very irate Hinata,  
  
"Umm... Hinata?" he asked, as the girl's kunai pressed against his throat and he found himself up against a tree.  
  
"Naruto... you forgot our date."  
  
Naruto gulped. Girls were truly terrifying.  
  
Suddenly, Sasuke appeared on the scene.  
  
"Kurenai-sensei!" He shouted. "Flower Bouquet no Jutsu!"  
  
Kurenai screamed as a huge bouquet of wildflowers came shooting towards her. Of course, she was a ninja and a jounin, so she used her skills to deftly dodge it.  
  
"Ano," said Kakashi, who had walked by and had been watching for the last few minutes, "why is Uchiha Itachi wearing a bright orange jumpsuit?"  
  
Naruto would have answered, but he was currently tied up and hanging from a tree, Hinata madly sharpening a katana nearby.  
  
Itachi glared at his little brother. "Foolish little brother, do you actually think you can beat me in affairs of the heart?"  
  
"Shut up! I will defeat you!" And with that Sasuke drew a rose from his pocket.  
  
Itachi, however, wasn't about to let Sasuke win, so he pulled out his secret weapon... a box of chocolates.  
  
They were both preparing their attacks when they heard screams... from Kurenai and Kakashi. They turned to see what the commotion was.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!" screamed Itachi, "what is that horrible monster?"  
  
Sasuke, for his part, did not scream, but really that was only because he was frozen in fear. Before them stood Shino and some atrocity that looked like Lee... except with two pencil thin lines as eyebrows. It was truly a horrifying sight.  
  
"What?" asked Lee. Why was every one staring at him?  
  
As if enough things weren't going on, Kisame chose that moment to come into the mix. Unfortunately, he jumped onto Kakashi, sending the copy ninja face first onto the ground.  
  
"Guess what, Itachi?" Kisame exclaimed, not noticing that he was standing on top of some one. "Neji's mom is hot! And she's shorter than you! And she's only 26... apparently she got pregnant really young, don't tell any one, but Neji was kind of an accident..."  
  
"Don't you dare go after my mother!" Neji came running into the clearing, weapons in hand and prepared to fight for his mother's honor. "And I was not an accident!"  
  
"Will you please get off of me?!" Kakashi lifted his face from the dirt, screaming at whoever was on his back, when he realized... his mask wasn't on. What happened to his mask?  
  
Every one blinked.  
  
"Kakashi..." Kurenai breathed, cheeks a scarlet rose.  
  
Kakashi knew a bad situation when he saw one. He used all his strength to push Kisame off of him and ran as fast as he could. His new admirers weren't so easily dissuaded, however, and they started running after him.  
  
"Kakashi-sensei," exclaimed Lee, "I never knew the beauty of a man until I laid eyes on you."  
  
"I'll buy you all the chocolate tanukis you want!" said Shino.  
  
Neji started shooting hearts out of his eyes at Kakashi. The ninja would be his.  
  
Even Sasuke and Hinata started running after the ninja, love in their hearts and eyes. Naruto tried, oh how he tried, to follow the lovely Kakashi, but alas, he was still tied up.  
  
Soon, only Itachi and Kisame were left in the clearing.  
  
"You're not in love with him?" Itachi asked.  
  
"I was behind him the whole time. I never saw his face. You?"  
  
"That trick doesn't work on those who have mastered the sharingan."  
  
Kisame looked his partner up and down. "Orange? Dude, that is not your color."  
  
Itachi shrugged, turning away. "I kind of like it."  
  
At that moment Sakura came into the clearing proclaiming her love for Itachi, but Itachi wasn't in the mood to deal with that so he knocked her out with one hit.  
  
"You know... this romantic hero stuff isn't for me."  
  
"Yeah," confessed Kisame, "I didn't think it would be. Let's go back to being villains, ne?"  
  
Itachi nodded. "But I'm keeping the neon orange jumpsuit."  
  
And then they walked off into the sunset, towards... well, towards wherever the hell they came from in the first place.  
  



End file.
